Giving Grace Despite Devious Licks
Lately I’ve found myself much more frustrated at work, and I know I’m not alone. We’re in the third
school year of a pandemic, we’re tired, the future is uncertain, we’re tired of masks, oh and now there’s a new trend where children ~borrow~ toilet seats and soap dispensers for fun.
I’ve been so bothered by misbehavior lately. On top of the normal daily anxieties (constantly needing more time to plan, answering endless emails and making so many calls to parents, Internet and tech issues), I’m constantly trying to figure out why this is happening. Is it the pandemic and trauma? Is it because I’m becoming a worse teacher? Is it that kids are just a little bit more bold and devious today? Is it all in my head and I’m really making a molehill out of nothing? Needless to say, my anxiety is sufficiently flared and these repetitive thoughts are hard to shake.
Before, I always felt like I knew what to do when I had a classroom management problem - even if that was intentionally standing there silently and waiting for a meltdown to end before moving on. Even if it was a brand new problem I had never dealt with before, I was confident that I had the necessary qualities to handle it - patience, logic, and grace. Now, I don’t know what has changed about the game, but I find myself staring, completely frozen when faced with a misbehaving student, and I don’t know what to do.
The past few months have been hard. I’ve written more write-ups than I’ve ever written and gone to admin for guidance more times than I can count. And it bothers me. Every time I submit one or send that inquiring email, I question my ability as a teacher, and I question the impact I’m having in the classroom. What am I doing wrong? Why is this so hard? Why are they acting this way? Is this all my fault, or am I making it a bigger deal than it really is? Is this all it will ever be?
Deep breath, teachers. This too shall pass.
We may be having to flex our management skills a little bit more often than normal recently, but it’s not our fault, and it’s not a reflection of us. As long as we handle these moments with grace, we can still have a positive impact.
When I first began teaching, people asked me all the time about the school I worked at and would politely offer consolation for the difficult job they envisioned in corralling high schoolers. I was usually annoyed, but put on a nice face. “The kids are great, it’s the adults that are difficult.” In my mind, yes, my job was difficult, but not for the reasons they made out. The kids are kids, and they are going to do KID things. I knew that going into this job, and to hear anyone speak negatively about my kids or prematurely judge them always triggered me.
And I stand by this. The kids are great no matter what, because they are kids. They are kind and creative and energetic and passionate and yes, sometimes they make mistakes. But I can’t fault them for their behavior because they are still learning how to appropriately behave in and handle certain situations. Behavior issues never triggered me personally before because, for the most part, I knew it was kids just being kids. I’m a biology teacher - the hormones teenagers experience are real and they are wild. Furthermore, I’m an adult who’s supposed to have it all together and I definitely don’t - so how can I expect kids to?
I now realize that my heightened anxiety isn’t just because there’s more misbehavior - it’s because I’m taking it as a personal attack, and I’m not recognizing that misbehavior is a normal part of growing up and learning what is right and what is wrong. I’m not giving my kids grace.
As teachers, the number one thing we have to do in our job is give grace. We have to recognize that kids are kids, and they will act out, and that is perfectly normal and not a personal attack. As educators, our job is to help remediate that misconduct before they become adults in a world that will not give them that same space to grow. Their behavior is not a reflection on us, and 99% of the time it is not a direct attack on us - it is a child learning how to exist in this chaotic world.
So yes, there is a pandemic, there are behavioral issues, and there are annoying TikTok trends that make me lock my door every time I leave the room. But these are still kids, and they still need invested teachers who give grace, and that’s my job. As long as I can do that, I’m still a good teacher, and I’m still able to do something to make this crazy world a slightly better place.
Disclaimer: Grace does not mean “zero consequences” if some, oh, steals a paper towel dispenser. But it does mean recognizing that we’re working with children, and children are still learning how to act, and since they still have time to grow up, we still have time to model goodness for them.